OF THOUGHTS AND RANTS.. OR RATHER, UTTER RUBBISH!

Chocolate and Cigarettes

2010-02-10T02:17:00.005Z

Dont know how.. Mysteriously acquired the album in my itunes.. Angus and Julia Stone..

Living on a diet of Chocolates & Cigarettes
I wanna call you again
Ill drink tea sometimes when its cold
This is getting old
I call you again

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days Ill grow old
And Ill grow brave and Ill go
One of these days

There's one last uneaten thorntons, still neatly tucked in its packet.. And a pack of em cocktails.. Untouched.. A diet indeed perhaps..

10/02/2010

Instincts

2009-11-19T19:32:00.002Z

'Follow your instinct' they say..

What if what you feel is an instinct is not an instinct.. what if.. it's something else altogether.. Or it is merely.. not an instinct.. but a fictional creation of your imaginary mind..

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Remember Remember the 5th of November..

2009-11-05T11:55:00.003Z

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Of course I remember.. Along with a million memories..

Not the 5th of 2008.. but the 5th of 2007.. when I thought Guy Fawkes was Guy Fox.. same diff.. but oh well.. my 5th of november 2007 probably saw me in A129 after a lecture.. sat facing the window.. and writing to someone who grew to become very dear to me.. Innocently, I wrote about Guy Fox.. later to be corrected to Guy Fawkes.. or perhaps I might have written on the next day..

That night the bunch of us climbed them walls.. Walking the sidelines of the river Ouse.. stopping at the cobblestone chairs.. later to discover our way to fulford and heslington village.. The green knitted jumper, the brown hat..

fast forward 2 years own.. I am older, not quite wiser.. and I woke up to Remember, Remember the 5th of November in my head.. How could I forget.. what I slept and woke up to.. Indeed perhaps I shall remember..

But no Guy Fawkes, some things, perhaps we dont want to remember.. Even if it's for the fireworks..

.
1209
5th November 2009

To be or not to be

2009-10-23T22:01:00.003+01:00

I laughed out loud! And to think this came from my reading list for the week!

To do is to be (Marx)
To be is to do (Sartre)
Do be do be do (Sinatra)
-Student graffiti

Rojek C.(2001) Celebrity, London: Reaktion Books Ltd

Emotions..

2009-10-14T18:19:00.003+01:00

a thousand emotions flutter, mostly unknown.. yet felt..

i guess this heart aint made of stone.. or merely just blood..

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Where am I going?

2009-08-11T20:47:00.001+01:00

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Seriously. Not where my foot takes me. Nor where my head is. Or my heart. Where are they all going? Where am I going?

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lectures..

2009-06-28T23:18:00.002+01:00

Not quite the nagging kind.. some times, rather amusing.. such as:

"Smoked a lot of dope, downed a lot of acid- a very charismatic man"

Roger Burrows on Sacks..

Better:

"1. you're not going to get 1st class
2. wear a condom"

Introduction by a philosophy lecturer
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Afloat

2009-06-27T22:55:00.003+01:00

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Crossroads
Or is it branched?

Driven by the current
I seem to float
But where am I?

A sea, or a river?
Perhaps a lake
Or merely a glass bowl?

If I were a creature of water
What would I be?

I was once a swimmer
I no longer swim
I am not sinking
What is sustaining me?

I am afloat
And that is all that matters
For now..

28th September 2008

subconscious of the conscious..

2009-05-30T15:52:00.002+01:00

if my subconscious is really that of my conscious.. then the reality, which seems to be the conscious would indeed be the subconscious, thus making it all.. irrelevant..

29th May 2009
7.30-8 pm..
walking down melrosegate

fiddle with your willy

2009-05-26T22:16:00.001+01:00

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"Life is short, fiddle with your willy while you can"

Paperchase card
Westbourne Grove

1st May 2009

Not exactly black nor white

2009-05-16T18:34:00.004+01:00

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In the midst of black and white, you will find grey..

1st May 2009

deduced from a floral black and white notebook..

Cucumber

2009-04-13T04:34:00.004+01:00

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I had rojak buah today. It had cucumbers. I realised that no one knows I dont like cucumber in my subway sandwich, except you.

12th April 2009

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"mau tengok? boleh.. kasi bayar!"

2009-04-05T21:43:00.003+01:00

I am a disabled. I have access to the disabled toilet. But just coz I am a disabled person, orang kurang upaya, it doesnt mean that I cant go out just like others. Yes I hobble about on my crutches and parade my oh so attractive speacial shoe, but really is it such a wonderful sight that people have to stare? First they look at my crutches then to my leg. I suppose they are just trying yo figure out the "disability" I have.. it makes me feel like getting a customised t-shirt with the words "yes, i broke my leg, the right one. now will you please stop staring?"

Chris was with me and he noticed the attention i was getting. To make me feel better he said you know, you should say to em "mau tengok? boleh.. kasi bayar!"..

the following day, my brother, muz said if I were you, I'd stare back at them and say "apa tengok-tengok?"..

My other brother, mems even goes to the extent of saying, "I'll use one of your crutches, you use one. then at least you wont feel so weird alone".. I thought that was quite sweet of him. We joked that we ought to choreograph a crutch dance, then we'd really get the attention.. and perhaps put an empty hat and the coins will start rolling in.. boy, we might even make a fortune!

I suppose due to lack of disabled facilities in this country, those whom are disabled dont go out often. Though I have been warned by faez that it is against the norm for the likes of me to be out much here, unlike in the uk. I have spent 2 months indoors. I will not be confined any further.

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Headphones and footsteps

2009-03-29T18:27:00.003+01:00

The wire with its two earpieces were often my companion in motion.. Often accompanied with footsteps.. My very own.. Lately, they keep me company whilst horizontal, minus the footsteps..

How I long for it to be just me and my headphones and my very own footsteps.. Not accompanied with 2 metal rods and another pair if not many more footsteps..

Perhaps this was how it was 2 decades ago..

I dont know who taught and watched as I took my first footsteps.. followed with the many more to come.
I dont know who patiently waited.. With each step I took.. and the numerous pauses in between..

I imagine it couldnt have been much more different. Must have been another head towering me.. Patiently waiting.

I did it before.
I dont know how long it took.

I will do it again.
In due time.
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L'Etoile

2009-03-28T22:00:00.003Z

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I envision this in the long run. Both our noses buried in reading.. Over cups of coffee.. The silence between us.. With the clatter of cutlery and chatter surrounding us..

Through the glass, you pass off as any stranger..

L'Etoile
1653

Immortalisation of the "good" times

2009-03-27T00:53:00.003Z

More than images are immortalised.. From a mere "it's easier in the snow", to the series of unfortunate events, through the chronicles.. Thoughts, words, faces, emotions, and memories.. all immortalised.. it also suggests/proves.. love's eternal flame.. though at times, the fire may be flaming yellow, not burning blue.. it still burns.. we tend to forget these things.. perhaps it's because we're mere mortals..

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A deck of cards

2009-03-25T01:56:00.003Z

No.. A stack of 8 more like it.. Not ordinary cards though.. A special one.. And even more special as each carried a message.. Mummy sure knows me well for bringing them over, in its pretty box..

A special message from the very bottom of my heart was written in each card.. Everyone has been absolutely wonderful.. And I am ever so thankful for that. For everything.

From 8 to zilch.. Each for the nurses on the 6th floor, A&E, fracture clinic, Sue-the lady opposite me, 17 Ainsdale Court, GBF, Lukasz and lastly, the lovely ladies of the plaster room..

THANK YOU.
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Three more to go!

2009-03-20T23:55:00.003Z

That's 1/10! 9/10 down the lane! or rather, down the bin.. 3 boxes.. 27 pokes down.. and only 3 more to go!!
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Must be a big shoe!

2009-03-19T05:40:00.003Z

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Yes paps.. it is!

It took me 2 weeks before I could unleash this gorgeous shoe from its zip lock bag.. 2 whole weeks.. 2 fridays.. the wait, felt like eternity.. the excitement was difficult to contain.. the anticipation, finally satisfied..

with a STRANGE, AWKWARD sensation..

The heel, is awkward, with the sloped angle of the heel.. what is this supposed to be? a form of chunky platforms? One would need a 1 1/2 inch -2 inches on the other foot to match that!

My self appointed physio used his physics knowledge in monitoring my attempts of "breaking" into this oh so special shoe.. physics or no physics, it felt weird, and was not easy.. the balance of pressure act.. of shifting weights and supporting.. required a bit of patience, by both therapist and OPK..

the wait, was satisfied. the shoe, finally utilised.

but, I hobble way faster and with more ease and comfort on one foot WITHOUT my oh so very special shoe.

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And the clock keeps ticking...

2009-03-12T16:33:00.004Z

A week ago, I would still anticipate, or rather, wait patiently. Have gotten used to counting days, with something to look forward to at the end.

Not quite anymore. Or rather, the wait, is killing me. inside. somehow.

If I could have a remote control, I would not hesitate to press the forward button. But then again, I might as well rewind and edit, instead of having to go through this ordeal. But no, I would not have trade this experience, or maybe I would. But which bits would I erase? Hell, why bother. Only a fool believes the past can be changed.

really, IF I could, I would:

FAST FORWARD TIME

but since I cant, plan B is:

FREEZE MY BODY

and wake up when it is time.

I know both my superbly engineered plans are destined to fail.

I DONT HAVE A FUCKING PLAN C.
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Musim berlalu

2009-03-05T21:55:00.003Z

Empat musim berlalu
Kau di dalam setiap satu
Tanpa ku jangka
Kehadiran mu

Musim kelima
Kian hampir
Ku hanya mampu
Melihat dari dalam..

Harharhar.. My pathetic attempt at stringing malay words.. I actually continued the next para in English! Spring, Summer, Winter and Autumn do not exist in the malay kingdom anyway! Something must've gone up to my head to catalyse the above in the first place.. perhaps the 5000 IU/2ml daiterparin sodium that i injected into my blood stream, making me tad bit woozy now!

Itu lah sahaja
Si gadis darah bercampur
Apakan daya
Bukan melayu tulen!

Didedikasikan kepada syatkos satororinos..

Of Polish and Chinese proverbs

2009-03-04T18:43:00.005Z

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"What a bitch gives, the dog takes"
-Polish proverb

Aint that true.. only a dog would take from the bitch.. but then again, arent all men dogs? However, as Lukasz says: takes a bitch to provide it..

And boy, revenge is indeed sweet.. I could savour the taste of it all. Damn I wish I was a man.. well, sometimes!

"Desire brings emptiness, emptiness brings desire"
-Chinese proverb

Aptly described as Jit brews a cup of chinese tea for me.. Indeed.. Such is contentment and excitment..

Lukasz Prochownik Jit S'ng Kok

Tweaking her Bum

2009-03-03T13:33:00.005Z

And the Fleetwood Mac.. said the taxi man..

Them taxi drivers are bril.. Correction, them taxi drivers in York are bril.. Correction, them people in York are bril..

Not many places in the world can you find a lady who would abandon her shop to carry your shopping bags nor a taxi driver who would abandon his taxi to look for you in the building..

taxi man, village grocer lady

Some of the Times

2009-03-01T22:05:00.004Z

Some times,
I am a poet
Stringing words
Rhyming versus

Some times,
I am a dancer
Swaying my hips
Twirling on my toes

Some times,
I am a thinker
Pondering with questions
Seeking answers

Some times,
I am a philosopher
Albeit
A self-proclaimer

Most times,
I am merely a writer
Penning thoughts
Onto paper

Most times,
I am merely a ranter
On and on
Re anything and everything

27th February 2009
0509

Happy Birthday Abang Eddie!

2009-02-28T15:02:00.006Z

Where does the 29th of Feb fall then when it is not a leap year? Aging every four years sounds rather ideal, though detrimental to the botox and cosmetic surgery industry.. But acknowledging and celebrating the birth and existence of one only once every four years is a crime!

Happy Birthday Abang Eddie! The fact that your birthday only comes up once every four years only makes you extra special!and even if it isnt a leap year, I still remember..

It is somewhat difficult to describe the man(and woman) above.. Not quite my uncle and aunty.. coz it doesnt really go with the term abang and kakak! Nor are they my brother and sister either.. They are a couple(albeit in their own individual right) who were significant in my childhood and whom I think of fondly now.

They were the only ones who could pacify me in my tantrum days. Even my parents couldnt. That suggests they were quite powerful and to be feared! And from them, I learnt and experienced a lot. Kakak Agnes contributed to turning me into a literate. I clearly remember acing 'bicycle' in one of em spelling tests. Abang Eddie read us bed time stories.. From silly ones such as the Mazda 323 that could fly from tree to tree to bone chilling ones whereby the ones who sleeps in the middle is the ghost's favourite!

I am more well behaved than my tantrum days(or so I'd like to think), can spell words bigger than 'bicycle' and am not easily fooled. Yet, those moments are precious to me and will forever be etched in heart.

Happy Birthday Abang Eddie and I wish you a wonderful year(or is it 3 years??) ahead!

p/s: doesnt Kakak Agnes look gorgeous??
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Grey

2009-02-28T14:43:00.005Z

When you didnt know,
'twas grey

Little did I know,
why it was so

Now I dont know,
when tis no longer grey

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L-O-V-E-D

2009-02-26T17:25:00.003Z

Not quite derived from Frank Sinatra.. but rather, from my lil 2 year old cousin.. and coincidentally, from Valentine's Day 2009..

I spent Valentine's Day in the most unexpected of ways. No candle lit dinner, in fact I didnt have an ounce of food for more than 36 hours.. Not that it was my expectation for the day either.. The only thing I wanted to do was to get an outrageously rude card, but never got around to it.

I was unconscious for part of it, semi unconscious for the other.. yet I was surrounded by those that hold me dearest to them. I could vaguely make out the smiles and grins in my drugged state of mind. The voices were soothing though I could barely respond and was sick after. And I was quite aware of the flower, mags, autographed poster, biccies, and a day later: the cold starbucks hot choc. Those who were far away, I knew I was in their hearts too..

One would be surprised the lengths that others would go for another. From foot steps to miles. Or even in their stationary positions.

Prior to this, a year prior to the experience above, I received one of those forwarded text messages from Jib, my hairstylist.. There I was sat in the library, pondering on the big fuss of V day and love.. and brilliantly(or not), I came up with the following:

'Love is created and merely exists in the imagination; but manifests itself in reality.'

14th February 2008

I doubt I am wiser now than a year before. If there is one thing that I do not know/venture/dont want to is in that particular L field. But 8 years down the road, prior to the above date, another form of love was expressed to me, one that linked a genuine friendship. So perhaps, love manifests itself in different forms?

Even if it was or is in my imagination, it exists/existed and manifests/manifested coz i feel/felt it.. And just as how I had replied to Zahra, I love each and everyone of you too..

for 14th February 2009

I love you kak nadiaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-21T23:09:00.000Z

Telephone conversation:

Kak ya: Zahra, who's your best friend? (Background voice)
Zahra : My best friend is.. ka ya.. (pause)
I LOVE YOU KAK NADIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me : burst out in laughter.. I love you too Zahra!!!

Those words couldnt have been uttered more timely, it was said to me on the 14th of February 2009..

I may not be her best friend.. but.. she loves me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zahra sybilla

30/1/2008 to 31st January 2009

2009-02-12T18:11:00.000Z

On a page in a book meant for (relevant pertinent) details, the following was scribbled:

Hi Nadia!

1. You probably can guess.
2. Who wrote this.
3. Then call.
4. Want to find out how long it takes you to tell me this.

Yours.

30/1/2008

It took me 366 days. I found the note on the 31st of January 2009.

Red velvet

2009-02-07T01:16:00.001Z

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"Who needs men. We only need cake!"

Deadly serious. If you sink your teeth and let the taste of farah's scrumptious home made red velvet cake, sandwiched with cream cheese and pecan nuts, topped with more icing, and let the taste linger on your tongue while it slides down your throat..

The two girls with me couldnt agree more..

Cake, good sinful scrumptious cake and girl friends..

gilfwen mek

iPeriod??!!

2009-01-29T22:45:00.000Z

So.. was plugged to my ipod as I was trying to get some rest whilst being horizontal.. .. sleep wouldnt come so I browsed through the app store.. and believe it or not.. I came across.. ze great 'iPeriod'.. and when I clicked on 'info'.. the words Period Calendar were displayed in a neat bracket.. followed with the following tagline:

"Are you a busy woman? Let iPeriod keep track! A must have for all menstruating women!"

Seriously.. I found it extremely shocking and hilarious.. My immediate thought was 'you have to be joking???!!!!'..

Just last week, in preparation for our seminar, David and I came across the iLimb, a company that makes bionic limbs, and David went on to say how the "i" has been popular culturalised..

Years and years ago.. when some Miss or Mrs, probably from Kotex or Laurier or wherever were invited to give talks in our (all girls) school to increase the awareness of ze period and to prepare us girls for puberty, alongside the sanitary towels that were distributed, we were given these calendars with monthly sections for us to record the dates of 'our time of the month'.. I never bothered, and in fact, I think I disposed them calendars.. Bout the only advice I keep is 'just remember when you first got yours.. even if you cant remember the date or month, remember the year'.. and this advice didnt even come from the useless yearly talks. anyway, the significance is not that it should be particularly memorable.. just for medical reasons more than anything else..

One would think that women do keep track of these things. Not this woman, not me.. I should. Keep telling myself that I should. but I dont. I have tried though. But well consistency in this particular department is not my forte. Fortunately or unfortunately, I get warning signs.. in the form of pain.. pure abnominal torture; and having lived with 2 girls for 2 years, somehow, our 'time of the month' became somewhat synchronised.. eventhough we're now 200+miles apart.. so I get phone reminders too..

So.. iPeriod.. no thank you.. even if you only cost gbp 2.39..

Thomas the Train Engine

2009-01-19T03:26:00.000Z

Train carriages and railway stations are and will most likely continue to be a prominent feature in my years here in the UK.. I have just come back from the station, and Thomas is the name of the lil kid that amused me on one of the numerous train rides I made down south awhile ago.. I still remember, he had been to Peterborough to meet his grandma in the hospital.. and he told me about lego land.. and his annoying lil brother.. not that he was much of a big brother, for he was just about 4-5 years old himself! He even gave me his address.. his postcode I believe.. unfortunately, I have forgotten..

Thomas is one of the plenty once in a life time encounters I will ever have.. But boy, the roar of the train engine is one that is becoming way to familiar now.. and the feel of the railway station.. The rustic feel of it.. The conductor, the clock.. the cold air.. Way too familiar..

Hmm.. the familiarity of this perhaps suggests I frequent the railway station way too often.. but hey, am not always the passenger on board and the trains I board head in other directions too!

Your voice

2009-01-15T00:33:00.000Z

This was written on the 28th of November 2008, after a phone call.. a long distance phone call..

Your voice,
Is still the same
With an element of surprise
And a touch of delight

Your words
Are still cheeky
With a lil accent
And style

You
Are far away
Where it snows

Instead of
The warm sunshine
We used to share

O

I am a bird too!

2009-01-14T02:02:00.000Z

I have a lil dove too.. it's in its nest at the mo.. and soon it'll soar high again! As it rests on my wrists..

sweets

I am the Locksmith

2009-01-13T22:08:00.000Z

Today, i fastened a key on my chain.. it looks a tad weird, with the pendant I've had on for awhile now..

On the day I turned 21.. I was given a lock, on a ring.. it didnt come in its original trademark turqoise box and ribbon.. instead it is more special as it came with a story.. a lil fairy tale..

I was told to interpret the lock.. and similarly today, I am interpreting the key that accompanied it..

The things I adorn are precious to me.. not for their material value.. but for their significance. The chain that goes around my neck came with a pendant from my mother.. the pendant that falls just after where my collarbones meet, is my sister's, from my eldest sister.. and the half eternity ring I wear is from my parents.. It has 15 little sparkly stones.. Those 15 stones represent something extremely significant..

I interpret my precious possessions. But these interpretations are not for me to share with anyone.. Just as yet.. Not for a long time at least.. And soon one day.. I hope to pass these on, with my own stories attached to them..

k su mams paps k ya k dik a wendy

Discovery of the Day- Nadia

2008-12-30T01:36:00.000Z

Nadia is a female name, most commonly given in Europe, the Middle east and North Africa. It has origins in Russian, Arabic, Bulgarian, Spanish, Italian, Greek and Serbian.

In the Western world, its origins are in the diminuitive of the Russian name Надежда, Nadezha which stands for hope.. Nadine is a French form of this diminuitive..

In the Eastern world, Nadia means announcer or caller in Arabic. It also means 'love of my life' and you are my world'. Not only this, but Nadia also means young plant such as a young tree or flower.

-courtesy of wiki

I knew that my name had both a European and Middle Eastern-Eastern touch to it.. I was named after Nadia Comeneci and also for it's arabic definition.. but boy.. 'love of my life' and 'you are my world'??

I may be Nadia.. but Nadia Mydin I am..

Christmas..

2008-12-26T12:38:00.000Z

Caught in the frenzy of unwrapping christmas presents on the joyous anniversary of Jesus Christ's birthday, a moment of pause occurs and my energy dwindles down and if it were a curve, it would be curving downwards.. an anti-climax.. If only I could press the rewind button and play and continue to do so... but well, the next one is probably not until 365 days to come..

HO HO HO.........................

When one is meant to be reading..

2008-11-29T23:23:00.000Z

Instead, she scribbles on her notes and comes up with..

'My heart is meant to pump blood, and that is its only function'..

approx 6 pm
on a dark friday evening
living room

Of Violins and Tantrums..

2008-11-28T21:33:00.000Z

Yes, I play the violin.. No, I played the violin.. if playing horribly counts.. and I miss my violin.. I want my violin.. which one mummy? The full size one, the 4/4.. Not the 3/4.. That's too small for me now.. If you can find a way to un-fragile it, seal it nicely and if it doesnt weigh to much, pass it to Azrieal will you? Thank you! I love you mummy.. Or if not.. what say you.. I buy a new one? Online.. And.. it gets delivered to my doorstep! Now you wont have to worry.. If not.... I'll throw a tantrum.. like I did before.. and you remember my violin tantrum.. surely you cant forget that one!

Which one? The one with the Vanessa Mae concert! When you promised to take me but you had forgotten.. And I ended up harassing Papa at the golf course.. And you had to take me in the end! And no mummy, I did not fall asleep.. Not at all.. I remember every detail.. She had an electric black and white one.. I ended up with a classical one.. (courtesy of Atuk), and Violin lessons.. That i detested.. but persevered for 6 years..

There.. my tantrum days.. Boy, was I a horrible child.. This evening, someone asked me whether I have thrown a tantrum in his presence.. The last tantrum I threw was.. 12 years ago.. Now, I just threaten to throw em.. And of course I wont throw anymore tantrums.. Coz.. like you said.. I kan dah besar..

I'd still like a violin, if not my violin..

Roles

2008-11-23T10:24:00.000Z

"Sometimes people are aware of the rules, and they attempt to conform to them but, at at the same time, they try to indicate their lack of commitment to, perhaps even their disdain for, the role they are playing. Whether committed or cynical, individuals on many occasions improvise their performances, attempting to cope with uncertainty about what is going on, with disagreements about what should be happening, and with competing expectations of their various role partners."

Peter A.D Weeks
in the Microsociology of everyday life..
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Strangers, we were...

2008-11-23T01:59:00.000Z

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And I liked it when we were..

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Unrequited

2008-11-22T02:34:00.000Z

"If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart."

-by buvy? or someone..

I came across that.. and well, I believe some people might be able to relate to that..

My dearest ***, I never really understood what you meant, and I may never do.. but well.. this is for you.. and maybe, even for ******* too..

Angelic Lies and Demonic Truths

2008-11-12T04:25:00.000Z

The past, sometimes creeps up to the present.. Be it in a different context altogether.. Though, there are times, when they are perhaps, best left behind..

Angelic Lies and Demonic Truths

Lie
Constructed by demons
Implanted in humans
Ingrained

Lie
A choice
Though comforting
Creates discomfort

Truth
A fact
Is eternal
Surfaces with conscience

Truth
Protected by angels
Will prevail
In due time

Angels and demons
Truths and lies
Coexist

Angelic lie, demonic truth
Substances mixed
Oxymorons

Angelic lie
Sweetens the buds
Is a candy
To the child

Demonic truth
Shocks the senses
Faced by those
With bravery

9th June 2008
1741 hours

The sight of lovers..

2008-11-12T03:53:00.000Z

As I walked up the hill, a pair of lovebirds were just about part.. In between kisses and words, they clung to every last second in the little bubble that they both share, before setting off to their independent bubbles.. And completely oblivious to passer-bys like me.. With a smile on my face, I moved along, appreciating a lil bit more of frank sinatra's lyrics that I was plugged to..

Then I come home, perched on the kitchen counter.. Listening to another lover's tale.. With the cup of tea in hand, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.. I can't help but smile..

Perhaps, this would be all I need.. :)

To john and jane doe, and jit..

I dreamt of a pair of dancing shoes

2008-10-06T18:40:00.000+01:00

For real, I did.. last night.. ballet shoes to be exact.. the pointy ones with the wooden blocks and lil bow at the front, and the long satin ribbon that goes around the ankles.. the dream brought me back to the final piece I wrote in York, whilst being an occupant of A219..

Dancing with the Clouds

As I look above
The clouds move
High above me
With every blink of my eye

In front of me
Beyond me
Surrounding me
Engulfs me

Makes me feel
Like a little girl
Mesmerised
In wonder

If I were a little fairy
I’d dance with the clouds
Move with the winds
To unchartered territories

I’d pirouette
And spin
And twirl
On my little toes

The sky is my stage
The clouds, my floor
I’d dance barefoot
And adorn my dancing shoes

I am the dancer
I am the audience
In my enchanted world
With the world below me

The bird in me
The dancer in me
In unison
Amongst the clouds

18th June 2008
2214 hours
Looking out A219
Just getting dark

For me, with you in mind..

The "Good for you!" evening..

2008-09-22T21:53:00.000+01:00

An evening initiated for dessert was laced with rather deep conversations, catalysed by the dim lighting at a far corner for a table of four..

Prior to that, a statement that probably had more similarities with comments intended for the wildlife was made by the modern civilised lady she ought to be! Or is the lady merely returning to her unruly roots?

And.. the supposedly lyrics from a song.. "if i were to run away.. i know i'd never look back"..

But the ultimate one liner statement of the night had to be none other than "Good for you!"..

Not quite 21 on the 21st!

2008-09-20T17:45:00.000+01:00

My mummy turns XX years today.. (never ask a woman her age, nor her weight!) Happy birthday mama! Or um.. in the ways of the English.. "Happy Birthday Mother dear!".. Wishing you a lovely day and a wonderful year ahead..

She's currently in Dubai.. tad bit far away from us.. but well.. she's with Papsters, K ya ngoks an panda.. or is it in Bahrain with Irman and Mak Elaine and family? either way.. hopefully it'll be a good one!

And as for Papa leaving your birthday card behind.. you've got to give him the credit for getting it a week in advance.. and I didnt even have to remind him this time around!

Again, Happy Birthday Ma! lots of love from all of us at home..

From L to P in 2 1/2 times..

2008-09-20T07:07:00.001+01:00

I ought to know.. I have done it one too many times..

Thinkers and Dreamers..

2008-09-17T18:17:00.001+01:00

My father once said that there are only two types of people that exist in this world - Thinkers ands Dreamers.. I do think.. doubt that makes me a thinker though.. and of course I have dreams too.. but that does not reduce me to solely a dreamer.. Perhaps I am in between.. where I seem to always have been..

MOO.....

2008-09-13T20:48:00.000+01:00

My dear brother, Muzzamir has a knack for coming up with the most random and often, craziest of comments.. Tonight's was..

" I wonder who decided to go to a female cow and said I'll drink whatever that comes out of this"

Laughter in Numbers..

2008-09-13T18:22:00.000+01:00

Three two and one,
Formed a table of six,
Amidst a dozen dishes,
And the melody of voices..

The occasional laughs we shared,
Were echoed once more,
In sequence they were,
One after another..

"Short cut answers short cut marks",
"Checke,checke,checke" the DJ goes,
And this is only the minumum,
Of Banoism at its maximum..

Colonial Times
Indian Oasis
Amir Anis Dr Bano Farqhan Imran Nadia

A modern fairy tale..

2008-09-12T20:37:00.000+01:00

I am neither a princess, nor a cinderella.. only a pumpkin..

A promise embedded in carbon..

2008-09-11T20:22:00.000+01:00

This afternoon, a hand shake with a lady that I am rather fond of, symbolised a promise that I would keep, and deliver.. Though it is meant for the future, I fear I might face certain challenges in delivering this promise..

However, a lady of the similar profession "read" me once, and suggested that I am one of principle.. and indeed, I may be.. or rather, I try to be.. And in regards to promises, I do not believe in making them, unless they are meant to be kept and delivered.. Hence by principle, I will try my very best to deliver this little promise..

One fine day.. the dull carbon grains of today will be converted to one that sparkles..

PENGO

2008-09-10T14:19:00.000+01:00

Pengo is my nickname at home.. Often mistaken for similarities with penguin.. Nope.. Pengo is actually short for Pendek Gemok.. so it becomes PENGO.. (Pendek is a malay word for short, and similarly, Gemok translates to fat).. Yes, I am indeed both vertically and horizontally challenged..

So the tale of pengo continues.. and today's episode was witnessed by mom and the actors were Miss Pengo herself and one of the creators of the nickname, Mr Muzzamir Mydin/Mir..

Mir: Do you wanna join my karate class? Teaches you how to breathe properly.. And you can slim down!
Pengo: ........................
Mum: Hahaha..

Honestly, when have I ever been slim? I have been round for as long as I remember.. Perhaps I am rounder now.. or a lot rounder.. Still, I was never UNround! I was a small-ish baby though.. weight on my birth cert says 2.67 kg.. But Mr C once aptly described a baby's physique as "belly on legs".. so I have always been round!

PENGO is ROUND.. Round translates to bulat.. and my sister lina/kak dik calls me bulat too..

Driving down memory lane

2008-09-03T19:18:00.000+01:00

Earlier this evening, i dropped mum off at the mosque.. instead of heading home immediately, i took a right turn and drove around the familiar neighbourhood of kawasan melayu pj, where my maternal grandparents still reside.. a place that holds most of my childhood memories.. as i was driving down the road, a rush of nostalgia hit me.. the roads were so familiar.. yet, different.. the roads that i used to cruise on 2 wheels, i now cruise on 4.. instead of the little machine i had, i was maneuvering a bigger complicated one.. yet the roads felt just as familiar..

i still remember the evenings i spent cycling.. be it on my own, or with my childhood friends.. or the then boy that i had a crush one.. or perhaps there were 2 boys? oh i cant quite remember! no, i think i cycled with one, whereas the other, i cycled pass his house tad bit too frequently, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.. (doubt i ever did!).. i remember sneaking out, making excuses so that i could go cycling.. there was just something about cycling then.. it was almost an obsession.. a daily habit.. the way the air feels when i paddle my lil feet.. i felt like a proud lil child, in control of a machine.. and i felt free.. like a bird..

instead of taking the usual route home, i took a different route.. and passed our old house.. and i remember walking down the street with my sisters, and getting chased by the neighbour's dogs.. and passed the lane that we used dominate, with our roller blades.. where the tar road once skinned my knees.. and my sisters rushing to sneak me into the house, hoping mum would miss us, for fear the sight of red would anger her.. well we did roller blade at 10 pm that evening.. and if my memory doesnt fail me, it was a week night.. and we were supposed to be in bed, not roller blading! but.. boy, roller blades were defo the in thing then!

i then weaved my way out of the familiarities, and came home, to our fairly new home.. and went online.. and chatted away with a fairly new acquired friend.. and went to proceed to have supper with newly acquired friends too..

thens and nows.. and eventually, the nows will become thens..

Prelude..

2008-08-31T18:41:00.001+01:00

A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual, with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

- courtesy of Wikipedia

They say there is a first for everything.. "They" however.. is vague.. subjective.. But one begins somewehere.. and this is where i begin.. in an attempt of penning down my thoughts.. converting whatever lil waves that run in this head of mine to a medium.. To/For whom? Most likely only myself.. and maybe to/for those that are idling.. Doubt any of my future pieces are worth reading, to be honest! And.. for what purpose? I have yet to find out..

The thought-pen-paper process to me was alien and foreign.. for as long as I could remember.. until recently.. an incident that occurred in late December 2007 found me sat in Paul at Gloucester Road.. with a pen in hand and channeling my thoughts to some random pieces of paper that i found in my handbag.. upon completion of the thought-pen-paper process, I finished my coffee, took a deep breath and walked out the boulangerie/cafe feeling a thousand times better..

The year 2008(so far) saw me frequently left alone with my thoughts.. and some times they drove my up the wall.. kate, my ex-neighbour would aptly describe these moments as "doing my head".. and reflecting, it is the times that I sat down, penning the thoughts that later, found me in control of myself.. rather than allowing my silly lil head to take the best of me.. The whole process, I have come to discover soothes my soul.. so much so that writing becomes somewhat habitual.. Soon after, I found that typing is way faster and neater than writing.. (well, typing is essentially a "technofied" form of writing!)

Today, marks a significant moment in this journey of mine called.. 'life'.. To some, if not many.. age is but a number.. but to me, some numbers carry more significance than others.. for example, 12, 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, and 50.. To commemorate by big 2-1, I had multiple events to mark this significant age.. from a dinner on Wednesday to a tea on thurs, a dinner on fri and the grand bling, glam and papparazzi party last night.. it doesnt stop here though.. two/three more to come.. the grand finale will mark the end of it all.. however, in the midst of the numerous celebrations i orchestrated, i conveniently left out an event for today, the most important day of em all! This afternoon found Lina, my sister and moi rolling about on my bed, figuring what I ought to do for the day.. Mum approached us and saw her daughters (except for k ya ngoks) doing absolutely nothing.. the following conversation took place:

Lina: Ma, nadia bodoh planned everything except for today
Me: Yeah.. now I have nothing to do and no one to go out with coz I've pretty much covered everyone!
Mum: Hmm.. well, today is the day that you should reflect back on the past 21 years, and plan for the future..
Lina and me: ......... (silence)
Lina: Ma, she should do that when she turns 40, not now!

Rewinding a few hours ago, both mum and lina had a point.. and with mum's words in mind.. today also marks the day I have created this "blog".. I have yet to attach my definition to the term "blog".. Have no idea where this "blog" of mine will take its course.. Hell, I may not write anything at at all! but well.. there is a first for everything.. and perhaps, a year from this date and/or the day I turn 40,(provided both this "blog" and moi live to that date!), I would have several pieces to look back and reflect upon..